Easter Happenings and Other Random Life Altering Thoughts...

April 21, 2019  •  Leave a Comment

Not entirely sure how this post will turn out... I have a LOT to say but I'm not sure this is the avenue to do it. That said, I will try my best to explain my current situation. Lately, I've been trying to figure out what the next step is. But no matter how hard I try, I don't seem to come up with the answers I'm looking for.

That last phrase is quite confusing. If I'm "looking" for a specific answer, doesn't that say that I already know what the answer is? Why continue the search then? It all seems... fruitfulness... Then again, I'm obviously without what I need so here we are...

The last 3 years have been really good to me. I managed to get it together enough to crawl out of my horrible mental state and make a life for myself. I am so proud! There was a point in my life that I didn't think it would be possible. I am thankful to be where I am today and I am proud of the accomplishments I've achieved. This feel like the top for me. And when you are on top of your world for a while, you start looking for other planets to conquer. This is my life now. I feel that what I needed to do here is done and now is time to move on and find something else. The thing is, I haven't found my next chapter yet. Even worse, when you look at my life there is so much to do! How can I feel I'm at the top? Loose ends much? I haven't been able to marry the two and in an effort to "get it together" I've been making myself much worse. I've noticed my anxiety rising and my Fibro pain getting stronger. 

I've made lists, had lots of chats with myself and made research... so much research... and I still come up empty.  It just seems that the ideas I'd like to push forward are opposites of each other. And that I'm going to have to make a choice that I'm not ready to make. I'm not ready to make it because, in the end, it feels like I'm saying goodbye to a part of me I'm not ready to let go (and that I should let go for many reasons), scared much?

As I'm writing this one thing is becoming clear: Do I want this? or Do I want this because It's what was expected of me? Is this really the route I want to take? Evelyn, What do you want?

I want to sew

I want to make cool stuff

I want to be able to support myself doing cool stuff

I want to start fresh

I want all the clouds to go away.

More soul searching is required. But I'm on my way. 

 

Moving on... It's Easter!!! Happy Easter for those who celebrate. And for those who don't: Happy It's an off day from work and it's nice outside and we can do stuff Day!!! I was off and it was GREAT!!! OMG! Do you know people do things ON SUNDAY??? It's fabulous!!! And Chicago, the weather!!! It was SO NICE today! I went outside with flip flops and a strapless, flowy dress!!! The wind was warm and the trees, THE TREES!!! So nice!!!! Can it be like this forever??? It was like a dream and a very good one at that! 

Anyway, here are some photos. I do have more but I'm still getting used to using my old camera again so they are not great. Also, this particular system has a broken lens and its colors and sharpness are WAY off. But I like it because if it falls, I'm not terribly sad about it AND I get to carry less crap when I go out since I just put in on my shoulder when It's not in use. Lastly, It's shots come out looking kind of vintage and I like it.

So away we go!!! 

 


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